You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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