38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
