Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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