At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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