omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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