whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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