my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Please, let me fuck your mom
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
