I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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