I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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