I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
