My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
