i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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