dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
