Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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