I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
