I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My penis needs a shock collar
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
