you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
