Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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