i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize