I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I bet he comes in French.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Randomize
