And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
