i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We're too hungover to prance.
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