tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
