i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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