so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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