I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
