Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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