Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
