i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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