I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
