I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
