It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
