I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize