I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
