I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
