Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
