seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
