I got chris browned last night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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