You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
