Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
