Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
