Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Green mimosas i think yes
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
