that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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