so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
