there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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