I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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