I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We need to feng shui this bitch.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize