my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
