I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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