Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
