I skipped work to stalk him.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
