i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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