Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
