im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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