He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
