I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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