I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
