We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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