We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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