what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
