it was like having sex with a tree stump
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
