I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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