Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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