i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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