how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
be right there i have to get my cape
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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