if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
