Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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