i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
