Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
