bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
