Sry I called you an 8
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
