You made me cry and you don't even care
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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