why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
