as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize