woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
