Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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