Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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