He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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