just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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