If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize