he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
