Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
