I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
