Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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