Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
