Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
