You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
