I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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