Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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