me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
