Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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