I could make wine with my vomit
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize