This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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