Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
