She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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