Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Say something about gay babies.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You're a waste of cheezeits
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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