On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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