were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize