yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pants are for mortals
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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