shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
