New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
