At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
